


Like petals in the wind.

by Libika



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magic, Romance, spoilers for the game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-09 00:18:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16439576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Libika/pseuds/Libika
Summary: Whatever the future would throw at them, they had their friends, each other. The world, the future was theirs for the taking. Like petals in the wind, they'll follow their hearts wherever it led them.Back to each other.





	Like petals in the wind.

**Author's Note:**

> IMPORTANT! 
> 
> Hiya everyone, yours truly is back into writing! I'm sorry for the break I took, it was for health reasons, that is to say severe depression and anxiety that required me to be hospitalized. An enormous thank you to all the people who read my stories, y'all are amazing! 
> 
> This flower language story is based on Hanakotoba or Japanese flower language for a change! Usually I use another type of flower language haha and Camus's middle name here is completely made up

_**Azalea : Temperance, Fragility, Take care of yourself for me** _

 

_Please take care of yourself for me,_

_Please never let that pain be,_

_I'll hold you tight,_

_With all my might,_

_I'll hold your wounds, your sadness,_

_Sing you a lullaby, kiss your tears,_

_Though I am not dauntless,_

_I shall fight your fears._

_Just the thought of seeing you smile,_

_Makes it all worthwhile._

 

_The frozen garden was as beautiful as it usually was. Christmas roses blooming despite the harsh frost, marble columns and pristine statues only making it more ethereal than it already was. He walked there, alone. He was but a child, who had lost his mother and didn't know what to do. How could he deal with such sudden grief? So he wandered through the Silk Palace, unsure. The cold, the winds. Nothing could faze him. He kept on walking...until he found a figure sitting there, in the cold. Aside from him, he didn't think there could have been anyone else. The man was trembling faintly, tears flowing from his eyes. Someone else in pain. Someone else was crying in this frozen land. He gently put a hand on the stranger's back._

 

_'It's all my fault...Aine, why did you do this?'_

 

_'I should have been there for you...”_

 

_The stranger turned his head towards him. How could these eyes hold so much sadness inside them? Grey pools of grief. He couldn't speak, only sob in the cold. His beauty made him speechless. Auburn locks surrounding his face, a voice that was velvet itself. His hand was on his shoulder, but the man didn't seem to notice it. He kept on weeping, his voice carried by the winter winds. He was akin to a ghost. A sad memory of who he used to be. His clothes were crumpled, his makeup was an absolute mess._

_The boy wondered who that man was...though his name was on the tip of his tongue. Yet, before he could utter a word, the winds grew harsher, as if they were made of steel. He wanted to tell the grieving man to go, come with him, and yet, he couldn't be heard. His vision was clouded, pure white erasing all else from his sight. He could not see nor hear the man anymore. He desperately tried to reach him again, but his hand simply went through him. He was nothing but a ghost, a shadow of a man, weeping away his pain._

 

_'Hey, be careful! The wind's picking up!'_

 

_The young man's face was blurred by the wind, and yet...he knew. He knew who he was, for he had dreamed of those eyes, and had nigthmare where tears made them red._

 

_'You can't stay there! It's dangerous!'_

 

_The boy then became a man. Yet, he was still as scared as a child, grasping at the wind, reaching for the one he loved. First his mother, his father, his very childhood. And now, this. The man he loved was disappearing, cut away by the wind, and he couldn't do a damn thing. He never could. For all his magic, he was powerless. He could still feel his mother's blood and cough fits, his father's imposing stature crumbling until he was nothing more than a count on his deathbed. And there he was again, an ignorant boy. One who wasn't fit yet to inherit his father's title._

 

_'Please come with me, or the wind will take you away!'_

 

_'You're not alone, Reij-'_

 

“Reiji!” Camus woke up abrubtly, sweating. Hair sticking to his face, ponytail coming undone and breaths echoing in the room. His breathing was ragged and it took him a while to calm down. Slowly sitting up on the bed, he noticed the frost covering his hand, a good part of the sheets and his own clothes. _'How wonderful...'_ He couldn't believe that a mere nightmare, no matter how awful, could make him lose control of his magic in such a manner. He could have frozen the entire room. To think of his parents now of all times, to have these fears resurface so quickly...yet, it all made sense. He loved Reiji and this feeling is exactly what caused these fears to come back. Years had passed. Yet, he could still remember it. His uncle's words still echoing in his head.

 

' _Your father has passed away, my dearest nephew. I cannot imagine the pain you must be going through...first Catherine, and now, Philippe.'_

 

_'...How about you, uncle? He was your brother.' He tightened his fists, confused, in pain. The only thing stopping his tears from flowing was his uncle's reassuring hand on his shoulder. He was supposed to be composure itself, yet the only thing he wanted to do now was to cry and sob on someone's shoulder. Yet he knew he would do no such thing. His father wouldn't want him to cry._

 

_'He was also your father, my boy. I shall watch over you for now, just as you'll watch over me and your cousin Albert. You have to be strong, Camus.' He gently rubbed his hand on his nephew's shoulder. 'You have to be strong...'_

 

He let out a sigh, still looking at the frozen sheets. With a flick of his wrist, the frost went away, as if it had never been there in the first place. Which is when he noticed that Reiji was not in bed. _'It's not so bad, he wouldn't have liked to have half of his body frozen. Though it would have been a hilarious sight.'_ A light laugh came from his lips as he tried to see where Reiji could have been. That is when he noticed the veranda's door, open. Camus caught a glimpse of Reiji standing outside, Alexander sitting by his side, as well behaved as usual. The sight of Reiji's figure surrounded by stars, his hair gently swayed by the night breeze was enough to make him smile after such a dream.

 

He grabbed his robes, put on his slippers, and head for the veranda. Not without grabbing a blanket for the idiot who forgot one. Without a sound, he wrapped the blanket around Reiji, who had not heard him come.

 

“Myu-chan...thank you.” Camus nodded, before standing right next to him, using the glass barrier as support.

 

“You couldn't sleep, I suppose?”

 

“Not really... I just needed to think, and needed some fresh air.” His eyes were half closed, as he enjoyed the breeze.

 

“My, I didn't know clowntobuki was capable of thinking! Color me impressed.”

 

“And I didn't know my sweet Camus was capable of making jokes!” Reiji returned the light banter, his laugh, music to Camus's ears.

 

“A certain clown has rubbed off on me.” Reiji knocked his side with his elbow in response. His gaze was still focused on the night sky, where hundreds of thousands of stars twinkled, like diamonds. A holy silence that was only cut by their breaths. He knew what Reiji was thinking about. Or rather who he was thinking about. “You were thinking of Aine, weren't you? That is why you couldn't sleep.” Reiji seemed rather surprised, yet couldn't deny the truth of his words.

 

“You're right...it's been a while since I thought of what happened.” He knew how difficult it was for Reiji to talk about his best friend, but he let him take all the time he needed. One thing he had learnt by dating him was that patience is key. “I dreamed of him- or rather, I remembered something. After our first concert together, we didn't have a big celebration. We broke into the academy to sit on the roof and look at the stars.” Camus tried to imagine this. Two boys, drunk on happiness and laughing hysterically as they broke into their old school. “Oh don't give me this look! He convinced me to do it, saying that 'it's waaaaay better than getting drunk'. And he was right. That Aine, he wanted to surprise me...”

 

“How?”

 

“He knew there would be a meteor shower that night. We looked at the stars all night...” His hand was extended towards the sky, the stars, the moon. As if he was trying to catch them. “It was such a fun night! Aine never told me what he wished for, now that I think of it.” His hand fell back on the barrier, his tone lower. It was still strange for him to mention his dear friend, his first love. Yet, the mere fact that he could talk about it with him showed Camus that Reiji trusted him. And this was a gift beyond compare.

 

“And you? What did you wish for?” Reiji turned his gaze away to face him.

 

“My~ are you curious?” He tried to be lighthearted, yet he couldn't lie to Camus.

 

“I admit that I am. Now, why don't you tell me?” He was slightly irritated that Reiji would try to hide his feelings after all this time, but it was a work in progress. Slowly but surely he'll come to drop all his defenses around him.

 

“I wished for Aine to never leave me and always be my friend.” Reiji said it in one go, yet, he couldn't bring himself to look at Camus. “I just wanted us to laugh, sing, fight and make up. I just wanted him to be okay and stay by my side, and yet- he- things shouldn't have been like this! He was supposed to be okay and smiling, singing, lecture me because I overslept again- not, not-”

 

“Reiji, come here.” Before he could talk again, Camus embraced him tightly. He still was a bit unused to initiating such actions, but he was making an effort. “Just...stop. Please.” He tightened his grip on him as much as he could without suffocating him. He relaxed when he felt Reiji's hands around his waist.

 

“Myu-chan...you're so cold.”

 

“I know. But you're used to it by now, aren't you?” His lips were almost touching his lover's ear. “I'm sorry if I'm too cold.” He could feel Reiji trying to shake his head, despite the tight embrace.

 

“You're good just the way you are...thank you.” Upon hearing these words, he felt better. He knew he had become soft, more than he would ever allowed himself to be. But he couldn't help it. _'What have you done to me, Kotobuki Reiji?'_ He had tried to fight these feelings for so long, scared of growing attached to other people for so long. Scared that if he did, he'd lose them again. He had built a wall around himself. A wall so tall and strong, he had almost forgotten what loving someone else felt like.

 

_'Ugh, listen to me, you stupid count! Reiji clearly loves you as much as you do, and quite frankly, you should tell him. He went through enough for us and for you. But hear me out, if you hurt him, it's not just me you'll face.'_

 

He should thank Kurosaki one day. Preferably after a few drinks. He let go of Reiji, the latter giving him a gentle peck on the cheek as thanks.

 

“I needed this, thank you myu-chan.” He nodded, but was then taken aback by Reiji's smile. “Hehehe~ you don't even complain about that nickname anymore.”

 

“Even if I did, it wouldn't stop you.” God he has become soft. Before he could say anything else, Reiji spoke.

 

“You're right... _Michel_.” A chill went down his spine as soon as he heard this. “I bet you weren't expecting this!”

 

“For the love of god, do not call me by my middle name.” He swore he could have died of embarrassement. He had told this to Reiji in confidence, and days later he couldn't hear the end of it. “It was my grandfather's name and it's mortifying enough...Though I take this joke of yours as a sign that you're feeling better?” Reiji's laugher slowly quieted down.

 

“Yeah, thank you for that. Though...”

“Though?”

 

“Hum it slipped my mind, but why are you even awake at this hour? Did you have a nightmare or something?”

 

“I did. Though I am feeling much better, thank you.” ' _I don't need to tell him I almost froze the bed again.'_ He tried to remain calm so as to not let anything slip, but under Reiji's gaze, it was quite the hard enterprise.

 

“You almost froze the bed, didn't you?”

 

“Yes I- I beg your pardon?” Camus couldn't believe it. He fell into this trap too easily.

 

“You don't need to hide it, you know? You're still human. It's normal to fuck up or be scared.” Camus stayed silent at this statement. “What was the dream about? Was it your parents?” He was hesitant to speak about it. He always thought that he needed to be the strong one, to protect Reiji and help him and yet...would he be willing to lower his walls around him if he couldn't do the same? Could he truly confess the fears he's had since he was but a young boy, alone in a manor far too cold, far too big for him? He couldn't ask from Reiji something he had yet to do himself.

 

“Not just them...you were in it as well.” Reiji waited for him to continue. “I am still...scared, I suppose. When my father passed away, I couldn't mourn him. I had to inherit his title, shut my mouth and grow up. The only people I was close to were my cousin Albert and my friend Laurence. And I still shut them out in the end.” Reiji reached for his hand, in silent support. “I'm scared of losing you, Reiji. I do not want to lose any one else.” He couldn't believe the words that came out of his mouth, all this vulnerability just coming to the surface. A weakness he had never allowed himself to show to anyone. Yet, wasn't it time for him to let go of the past and move on? He felt fragile in this moment. As if the wind would rip him apart in an instant. He hated it, couldn't stand it a moment longer. His throat burned, he closed his eyes so as to not let the tears spill.

 

_He could still picture this blizzard, and himself in the middle of it. Alone. Without anyone to help if he asked for it. He couldn't cry, he didn't have the right to. He needed to be a grown up. And to be an adult in his world was to never show how you truly felt. Cut ties if you have to. Change your behavior. Shield yourself from the outsiders. Shield your heart, your soul. Don't show anything. Don't cry. Don't complain. He was alone in a sea of hidden agendas, lies and gossip. Though his uncle agreed to be his mentor, he felt more alone than ever._

 

“I don't want to lose you either, Myu-chan. I love you. I know I'm not perfect but...if you let me, I can be your family.” He cupped Camus's face with his other hand. “You're loved more than you know, terrible personality and questionable taste in food included.” Camus allowed himself this one moment of fragility, letting tears flow freely for once. Under the stars, under the moon, there was only them. In those grey eyes that had shed their share of tears, there was no judgement, no hidden agenda. Only love for him to see. His own eyes burnt, his throat ached. “Ai and Ranran are sound asleep, no one is watching. You can let it go. I'll catch you.”

 

 

With the last shred of his resolve crumbling, he let it out.

 

' _I was supposed to be strong. To not show any pain at all.'_

 

A torrent of tears as he embraced his love. He held on for dear life, as if Reiji would simply vanish. Kotobuki Reiji, the man who had more than one reason to cry again and again, yet never failed to welcome others with his brightest smile.

 

_'If I keep this inside me any longer, I might lose it. For once, just this once, let me be weak.'_

 

His cries were muffled by Reiji's shirt, his tears wetting it as well. But he couldn't care less. His fingers grabbing his shoulders, hair an absolute mess. He wished he could scream, yet no amound of pained cries could calm his pain – _just let go, cry, yell, sob, weep, let the heavens hear you –_ he felt like a child. Like a small, powerless boy – _you needed to feel like this, please my love, just for once, cry like you never have –_ He kept on thanking him, on thanking the only one who allowed him to be weak. Reiji could only draw circles on his back, soothing him, himself overcome by Camus.

 

“I understand...you couldn't mourn your father, and then you had to keep this all inside...” He let his hands travel in Camus's hair. “You've done well. But just like you always insist on taking care of me, let me take care of you.” And just like magic, all the stars fell. A torrent of light, twinkling diamonds in the sky. Though Camus's tears had stopped, he hadn't let go of him. So he won't say anything. He held unto a cold, tired man, simply making a wish. Eyes closed, a smile on his lips, he let his heart and soul speak for themselves. While they still had a long way to go, he hoped that Quartet Night could become one day a family. _'We may all be small and broken, but we're family. They're my family. I hope Camus can see it this way too, one day.'_ All these stars falling were blinding. There were still many beautiful things to live for, and Reiji hoped he could make Camus see it all. _'I wish that one day, they can all let go of their pain.'_

 

“Hey Myu-chan, look how beautiful the sky is.” And it truly was. As Camus let go of his lover, he witnessed an infinite sea of stars. Yet he could not detach his eyes from Reiji. He has always doubted his ability to make him happy – for to say he would was one thing and actually do it was another – yet, in this moment, he believed it. He believed he could make this man happy. He cupped Reiji's face, looking at him as if he saw him for the first time. For though the stars were beautiful, he held in his hands the greatest star of all. As they kissed, he swore he would protect him.

 

He'd give up on everything else to be with the person he loved.

 

 

_**Red Columbine : Anxious and Trembling** _

 

_My, my how the past is cruel._

_It never leaves you,_

_Always haunts you..._

_No matter where you go or fly,_

_It'll give you nightmares and make you cry,_

_But it should have to be,_

_For the past can set you free,_

_If you confront it, fight it, learn from it,_

_My,my how the past can be beautiful._

 

_The mornings were always the hardests in the manor. His father always woke up well before anyone else, before the servants themselves, surprised to see him seated with his pen and papers at the table, tea steaming hot beside him. His mother seldom got out of her room, so he never got to see her as he woke up. Perhaps he'd catch a glimpse or two in the corridors, the sound of her cane echoing. A servant would come wake him up, asking him whether or not he'd like to eat in his room – in such case, a tray will be brought – or in the hall. His room, always. He knew he'd miss his father. His mother's face would become a terrifying sight if he dared to come near her. If he was going to eat alone, he'd rather do it in his room, surrounded by the material comfort of his books, music sheets, cello and loyal companion._

 

_A tiring start, for a tiring day._

 

Though it was unfortunate, Reiji had gotten ill. While it was but a mere cold, he had to take the day off and stay in their apartment. The day had gone by in a flash, Camus insisting on looking after him – or rather threatening him not to overwork himself – and Alexander laying his head on his lap as a way of comforting him. He had thought that it would have been a quiet day, for though he was a being full of cheers and jokes, he was too tired to do anything, let alone sing or joke. He sipped on his milk all day – warm, a spoonful of honey and some ginger, made lovingly by Camus who almost burned himself – resting his throat as much as he could, talking to Ai on the phone. After all, he had an acting job today, so he wasn't there. Yes, today was supposed to be a day like the others.

 

Or so he thought.

 

Somehow, in the middle of the day, Camus and Ranmaru had started one of their usual banters. Things had gotten better between them – and while he would never admit it, sarcasm and jabs were Ranmaru's way of having fun, though Reiji questioned such antics – but some things never changed. He just wished they could have had the decency of starting the tenth chapter of their _banana is perfect_ saga elsewhere. Normally, he wouldn't have minded it so much, but this time he was a man down with a cold and a migraine and his boyfriend's and friend's voices were too...much. Way too much. _'I wish I could yell at them, but I would definitely ruin my throat doing this'._

 

“Ah, Alexander...you're a quiet one, aren't you?” The borzoi looked up from his comfortable spot on Reiji's lap, nuzzling his cheek. “Thank you for the kisses~” He kept on petting his fur, trying to distract himself from the rucus going on next to him. His head was clouded, he felt numb, yet was still able to distinguish some..words. _Dandelion-head, foolish fool, absolute buffoon of a rocker_ (that one was new, wasn't it?) _, ice bitch, I can't believe you'd say that you-you dipshit!_ He couldn't hear the rest. Though the longer the _discussion_ went on, the louder their voices were.

 

_The voices of his older brother, the one he never knew of, and his father were getting louder by the minute. Camus's ears stayed close to the wall, eavesdropping though he shouldn't be. He knew he couldn't be there, but he couldn't help it. If he was found out, he'd stand his ground. His father didn't flinch. And if it came to it, he wouldn't either. The frost covering his hand betrayed him._

 

“God, that stick is so far up your ass, I don't even know how you're moving!” Reiji sighed hearing this, for it was from true. Camus was only...complicated. Well, he was learning to open up little by little after all. Small steps are better than no steps at all. Ever since they started dating, Camus had said that he was willing to open up a bit more to the others, though there was still a side of him only Reiji alone would be allowed to see. He was more than fine with it, after all, he couldn't force Camus to do something he didn't want to do.

 

_The frost betrayed his heart's deepest fears. He looked at his hands, scared that he would lose control of his magic out of fear. Alexander gently licked his face to reassure him. Though he knew he was supposed to behave like an adult, he merely wanted some comfort. He quietly embraced his dog, alone in a guest room, just beside his father's study. He heard the conversation going on for what seemed like an eternity. He knew that affairs and illegitimate children were common place within the nobility, yet...perhaps the child that was still in him, the naive, naive little boy, wished that his family would be spared._

 

_Yet the mere fact that his father was willing to fight for his right to the title made him hope that he held at least, at the very least, a bit of love for him._

 

“What did you just say, Kurosaki?!” Camus had put his cup of tea harshly on the table. A bit stronger than this and he could have broken it. Reiji was thinking about standing up to finally seperate them, his throat be damned. He gently asked Alexander to move aside, so he could do so himself.

 

“But then again, it must run in the family! Your mom and dad are probably no better if you ended up like this.” As soon as those words came out of Ranmaru's mouth, Reiji readied himself. The silence was imposing, suffocating. He stood up, the blanket tightly wrapped around him. He could feel it. The cold atmosphere surrounding them, making Ranmaru wonder what was happening. A drop in temperature, as if snow was covering the entire room. Camus was completely silent, grasping his cup so firmly it could break at any moment. He stood up quietly from his seat, in an almost mechanical manner. Ranmaru didn't know what was going on, nor why Reiji looked so worried in this moment.

 

“...what did you just say?” Camus's voice was harsher, yet as soft as could be, as if the north wind itself had graced them with its presence. He was trembling. Faintly, yet Reiji could notice it. Camus's face as he looked at Ranmaru was that of someone who was crumbling down. Of painful memories being remembered once again, wounds opening up. A mourning that never could be, for “adults” couldn't worry themselves with things such as drowning in their grief.

 

_They were in their room, Reiji sitting on the bed with Alexander. He watched as Camus created snow rabbits, jumping around the room. A flourish of magic, snowflakes around the room. Reiji was in awe at such a spectacle. Though it was nothing but mere tricks for Camus, to see his lover's eyes shimmer like this made him want to show off. Birds, rabbits, cats...nothing was out of reach. If he could imagine it, picture it, then his magic could do the rest. For so long, he had thought of himself as a cold, harsh northwind...yet, in this very moment, under Reiji's applause and the secrecy of their room, he could only think of how beautiful his own magic could be. A flick of his wrist and he could make any wish of Reiji's come true, at least he wanted to believe he could._

 

“Myu-chan, please don't be so sad.. I'm sure he didn't mean any of it.” Ranmaru didn't know about Camus's powers, and right now, the latter was on edge, his magic on the verge of lashing out. As he stood up from his seat, the room became too suffocating. It was as if time had stopped in this moment. Yet it all went by too fast. Far too quickly. Before Ranmaru could utter a word, before anything could have kept on going normally.

 

_A whirlwind of snow, ice, magic surrounding them..._

 

“Camus, calm down, everything is fine, you're fine-” Reiji moved inbetween them...The gust of wind was too strong, for Camus had lost control of his magic. None of them expected it, Camus looking at his hands covered in frost, his eyes showing-

 

_...Reiji's laugher as he played with the bunnies, Camus petting the snowy owl on his shoulder. A piece of heaven on earth._

 

 **Fear**. The wind harsher than what he could control. He looked at his frozen hands in utter, complete fear. No composure nor prestence. Ranmaru was still silent, too stunned. As soon as Reiji had moved, his voice snapping him out of his state, it had been too late. The wind had knocked him out, his head hitting the table nearby. Both Ranmaru and Camus looked at their groupmate in worry, the former kneeling by Reiji's side, while Camus stood there...still starring at his hands. Him, who had never lost control. Yet instead of frost, wasn't it blood that he saw on his hands?

 

_Nothing could make this end, whenever he was with Reiji, it was as if his fears vanished. That he didn't have any obligations nor roles._

 

_His magic must truly be something great, if it could make his precious, precious jewel smile._

 

“ah..my head...” Reiji reached for his forehead, whincing at the pain. “Myu-chan...?” _Red_ painted _his_ fingers. Instinctively, Camus extended his hand towards Reiji...only to stop. He couldn't stand being there a minute longer. “Myu-chan, where are you-” Before he could say anything else, Camus dashed out of the apartment. A single click of the door echoing in the silence.

 

*******

Reiji was still stunned by what happened, sitting quietly as Ranmaru took care of his wound. It was not serious, but it would probably scar. He flinched at the contact of alcohol on his head, as Ranmaru wrapped a bandage around it. _'Camus...I need to get to him. He could be-no, I think I know where he is.'_ His head hurt, form the wound, the migraine, the situation they found themselves in. Ranmaru hadn't said a word the whole time, diligently taking care of him. Alexander stayed by the door, waiting for his master. He let out a whine, laying on the ground.

 

“Ranran, are you okay?” Reiji's voice broke the silence. Ranmaru put the first aid kit back on the table. “I know what happened's kinda...bad.”

 

“...I fucked up, didn't I?” Ranmaru genuinely felt terrible for what happened, his worry overpowering his surprise at what just happened. He knew that whatever happened wasn't normal by any mean, but it was to see Camus in such a way that bothered him the most. He knew that ever since Reiji and him had started dating he had changed, but it truly had been something else. Camus had become more vulnerable, and he didn't think that a simple, sarcastic jab could've had such an effect on him. “I hit him where it hurt without knowing about it...what an asshole.”

 

_He had burnt his hand while making coffee, earning him a sigh from Camus. He clasped his hands and let his magic do the trick. As soon as he was done, Reiji didn't feel any pain and kissed Camus on the forehead._

 

_'My, is this my reward for being a good partner?'_

 

_'Just part of it, Ai-ai and Ranran are next door. Wouldn't want to give them a show~'_

 

_'Idiot.'_

 

_'But I'm your idiot, aren't I?'_

 

“Well, you didn't know...Myu-chand doesn't talk much about his personal life, but I know enough to tell you that it's a sore subject.” He gently grabbed Ranmaru's hand and gave it a light squeeze. “And yes, you 'fucked up' , so you're coming with me. We're going to find him and bring him back, because I'm sure it's been more than an hour. And I still have the flu, so I'll need you.” Reiji kept the blanket, feeling too comfortable with it to part from it. “I know it's a lot to take in, but finding him before he hurts himself is what matters now.”

 

“...that was magic, wasn't it? And I thought that Ai was strange.”

 

_'I thought this would scare you.' Camus's hand was faintly glowing, ice at the tip of his nails. He let snowflakes twirl around him and Reiji, nonchalantly. They were laying on the bed, Camus's cold hand on Reiji's cheek, barely brushing it. Amidst the chaos of live shows, rehearsals, acting gigs, they still had a moment of quiet._

 

_'Love, the only scary things about you are your temper and the amount of sugar you eat.' Reiji could feel sleep coming, yet he made an effort to stay awake. 'But seriously, it's a part of you, and I said it already right? I love you. That means all of you.'_

 

_'All of me?'_

 

_'Well, for example you look like you don't care about Starish or what they do, but you always try to help in your own way.' A simple gesture telling him please continue. 'You're ridicuslously cheesy even though you're the last person we'd expect to be. Your taste in food is just...awful. But that's part of your charm~' He held onto the cold hand on his cheek. 'It's beautiful, I'm not scared. I know you'd never hurt me.' Camus gave him a smirk of his own. He still let his fingers trace Reiji's cheek, his face, his shoulders. The frost just barely touching him._

 

“You're...weirdly calm about this. It doesn't shock you?” Though Reiji was already planning on putting him on laundry duty for this entire week and the next, he couldn't be too strict with Ranmaru. He already regretted saying something that he shouldn't have, was willing to make things right as soon as possible and seemed to express genuine concern for Camus. Which was an improvement worthy of praise. “It's good to see you worried about him!”

 

“Anyone would be if they saw their groupmate lose it and run away! I'm not pacticularly worried about Camus!” Reiji tried his best to repress the smile blooming on his lips. “I'm just-argh, I just feel like the worse person in the world. Is your head okay? If not, I can drive.” Before Reiji could even answer, his friend cut him off. “No, I'll drive. I'll grab your keys. I'm not letting you drive like this.” Reiji threw him his keys. As he caught them, he couldn't help but notice the keychains on them.

 

“Are those...?”

 

“Oh yeah, I got a keychain for each one of you guys.” He coughed as he put on his shoes. He just needed some regular old boots, though he looked rather peculiar with his pyjamas, hair clips, blanket covered in kittens and his black boots. But he was too worried and too tired to care. “Believe it or not, I can about you!” Reiji had finished putting on his shoes, as Ranmaru kept on eyeing the keychains. It reminded him of the picture sitting on the coffee table, a selfie Reiji had insisted on taking. _All colors in harmony. That was all he wanted. For they never truly, completely realized how much this group meant to him._

 

“It's so cheesy...” Reiji didn't mind the comment, knowing it wasn't meant as an insult.

 

“I know, I know~” Making sure that he hadn't forgotten anything, they both headed for the door, stopped in their tracks by a knock. Alexander quickly sat, thinking that his master had come home. Though he was disappointed as soon as the door opened, he nonetheless welcomed the arrivant.

 

“I'm back...” Ai took off his shoes and petted Alexander. Looking up at Reiji and Ranmaru, the bandage around Reiji's head and the heavy atmosphere, he couldn't help but wonder what in the world happened. “Reiji, what happened to your head?” He didn't expect to come home to his partner being wounded, nor to the...cold, suffocating lingering feeling in this room. He couldn't quite explain it, but he was sure he didn't like it and for now, that would be enough. And then there was the fine china on the table, Camus's favorite. He would never leave a cup of tea unfinished like this. He was far too meticulous to do such a thing.

 

_Perfect teacups. Tea perfectly brewed. He held himself with such grace, elegance. Every movement was calculated. There was a mechanical aspect to every gesture. Though he enjoyed observing Camus, the man remained an enigma. He was someone constantly maintaining absolute control of himself and despite him still learning, Ai could see that it was bound to crumble at some point. Perfection is the one thing that cannot be achieved, no matter how much we may wish for it to be possible. He just kept on watching silently, trying to talk to him and understand him._

 

_He wasn't so bad after all._

 

He didn't know what happened, but was exhausted so he wasn't going to comment too much on it.

 

“Welcome home, Ai-ai! I'm really sorry that I can't stay here, we gotta go!” He quickly hugged him and left, Ranmaru following him closely. “I'll explain later!” Ranmaru said his goodbyes and closed the door, leaving a stunned Ai in the living room, wondering what on earth had occurred. He was left alone with his thoughts and Alexander. The dog eyed him with worry, so Ai knelt by his side, touching the soft, white fur.

 

“I suppose it's just the two of us, then. I'll give you some food, come here.”

 

*******

Frost followed him in the forest, where his old tower was. Though he was dressed lightly, the cold didn't bother him. Snow was covering most of the areas he had walked, the wind whistling. He couldn't shake the image out of his head. _Red on Reiji's clothes, his head. And it was all his fault._ He had let his emotions get the better of him, not expecting to be still so shaken by a few words. His hands were frozen, he felt too tired after running, only wanting to isolate himself with his own thoughts for a while. The forest was his own safe haven, covered in white, a blizzard protecting him. He wished the white powder could erase all traces of blood from his memory. The mere mention of his mother or father was akin to a knife plunged in his heart. His family was as complex as he was, and to say he was still unsure of how to feel about his father and mother would be an understatement.

 

_Riding his horse, he felt free. He'd ride as far as he could, for as long as he could. The sense of freedom was an illusion, but he wanted to play pretend, just for a little while. He'd ride for hours towards a place of prayer, where stained glass coloured him with love. He bathed in the blessed light alone, without a care in the world. Without the heavy burden of responsabilities._

 

 _'Mother never liked it. She never approved of anything I did.'_ He sat under a tree, watching his beloved snow fall. _'Then again, my very face was enough to make her even sicker. Had I been born before...No. I shouldn't have such foolish thoughts.'_ It was unlike him. He was too shaken, lacking control. And as a result, he had hurt the one person he cared for. He looked at his hands, the ice on his fingertips, the snowflakes around him. Reiji had always thought that it was beautiful, a part of him as brilliant as the rest. Yet, he realized that a single mistake, and he could end up hurting others without meaning to.

 

_Reiji kneeling on the ground, calling his name. Worrying about him rather than himself._

 

He was scared. He knew that it was an accident, yet...he couldn't help those thoughts that kept haunting him. Those whispering how he was a failure for not controlling his magic – the wind was getting louder, more intense, the snow falling endlessly - a shame to his family, a burden to those who expected nothing less than perfection from him. He was exhausted. He had tried for so long to bury his past along with his previous name, only to realize that it still haunted him. The fear of finding himself alone in the blizzard, that of never be the man his father wanted him to be, to disappoint the queen... It was too much, far too much.

 

_Perfection is a refuge. If he was perfect in every way, nothing could happen to him. Fencing, studying, sports, magic. He had to be a man who could do it all, otherwise he could do nothing. He had to grow up faster than anyone else, better than anyone else or he wouldn't be able to protect himself. His title. His queen. Or the the few people who mattered to him. It was his only way to avoid any pain._

 

Whirlwinds of emotions, thoughts, memories were making him dizzy. He was tired, wanted nothing more than to go back, and yet...a single, tiny, almost insignificant fear was enough to petrify him. Being vulnerable meant losing control, and he didn't think he could do it. He kept on watching the snow fall, not far from his tower, and closed his eyes. He let the wind sing for him...and exhaustion take over. He laid by his old home, surrounded by snow, yet unbothered. He let his mind wander for a few seconds, thinking of Reiji. As he fell unconscious, he faintly heard his love's voice calling for him.

 

_'But it's just my imagination.'_

 

*******

“Camus! Where are you?” They had arrived quickly in the forest, not far from the agency. Snow was covering certains parts, making it easier to navigate through the white maze. Though the wind was still strong, though his fever was still present, he was standing by sheer force of will. Ranmaru right by his side. Though the cold had subdued, it was still freezing. Winter in the middle of autumn. On any other day, he would have admired the sight, but this felt different.

 

_'So where Camus's from, magic is common?' As he was driving, Ranmaru tried to keep his cool about this entire situation. Reiji had started to explain Camus's situation as well as he could, keeping from mentioning the most private details._

 

_'Sort of. Not everyone can use it, though from what he told me. And it's the queen's magic that keeps their whole kingdom standing too.' He tightened the blanket around his shoulders, for though he was dressed warmly, he felt cold and hot at the same time. ' And hum...his dad died about four, five years ago. His mom's still alive, but they're...not on good terms.From what I know, he doesn't talk to her much, and she's hell bent on avoiding him.' He coughed before continuing. 'That's why it's a sore subject for him.'_

 

_'He didn't get to mourn him, didn't he?' Ranmaru responded._

 

_'Yeah...and between us, I think even though he loves both of his parents, it's- uh, it's kinda complicated.' Ranmaru stayed silent. 'Give him a good apology, okay?'_

 

_'That's what I was planning on doing. We're going to bring him back home.' Reiji was a bit surprised to hear such words coming from him._

 

_'Home?' Though Ranmaru was embarrassed and slightly blushing, he answered nonetheless._

 

_'Yeah, it's our home.'_

 

“We're here to bring you back! Where are you?” They tried to cover as much frozen ground as possible, still heading for the tower. “God, where is he?” They kept on walking, until they reached a narrow path, where the cold only seemed to get worse. Calling out for him, they continued their search, until the tower could be in sight. It had been so long since they had come here, since they all lived together now. Though Camus still liked to come there when he needed time alone, and Reiji respected that.

 

“Camus, answer us!” Ranmaru called him again, try to look for a single sign of him. “Camus? Camus! Reiji, come here!” He asked Reiji to come by, noticing the figure covered in snow. Though he was out cold, Camus looked peaceful, as if he was only sleeping on his bed. Yet, they could see that he was in pain. A nightmare most likely.

 

“You found hi- Myu-chan!” They ran towards Camus's body, kneeling by him. _He was too exhausted, his head haunted by memories, words, thoughts_. _The snow didn't bother him. But the cacophony in his head..._ Reiji gently touched his shoulder. _He felt as if a soothing presence was there with him, making him feel at home._ The snow slowly stopped, the temperature coming back to normal at last. Ranmaru carried Camus on his back, as Reiji brushed off most of the snow. The snow would take a while to completely disappear, but at least they found Camus.

 

_'I think you and Myu-chan have more in common than you think. You put too much pressure on yourselves.'_

 

_'Maybe you're right...'_

 

_'I know I am!'_

 

“God, he's freezing...”

 

“He's not in danger, don't worry. He tends to become colder when he overdoes it.” Though Reiji was still worried, now was coming a moment reserved to Camus and Ranmaru, a moment to actually talk. As they got in the car, Reiji phoned Ai, asking him to start making diner. _'I'll leave something for Camus in the fridge. Oh and I made strawberry shortcake. Don't worry, I made one specifically for him with more sugar though I can't understand the appeal. I'll see you, soon. Yes, yes, I gave Alexander his food.'_ Ranmaru put Camus to rest in the back, Reiji sitting next to him so as to lay Camus's head on his lap. He looked more peaceful than he did before, which was at least a good sign.

“Ranran?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I didn't tell you before, but you're going to be on laundry duty this week. And that includes my underwear.” Ranmaru thought of complaining. Instead, he focused on the road in complete silence. Camus was sleeping soundly and Reiji took one of his lover's hands and kissed it.

 

*******

_Reiji was sitting on the bed, singing to Alexander, as if the latter was his child. Camus had never heard the song before, but he commited the sight to memory. A relaxing thought. A calming moment. He was reading a book, his boyfriend's singing only contributing to this piece of heaven. Before he knew it, the sound had lulled him to sleep._

 

_And then red._

 

_Red as far as the eye could see._

 

Camus woke up in the room he shared with Reiji. The curtains were pulled, and only the bedside lamps were on. His mind felt a bit groggy, but he still managed to sit on the bed.

 

“Ah, Myu-chan. You're awake.” Reiji was sitting on his side of the bed, putting down the book he had been reading. Now that he could look at him, he saw the bandage wrapped around his head, guilt filling him to the brim. Reiji looked as exhausted as he was, but then again, he had been sick the whole day...and still went looking for him. “How are you? Ai-ai left you a slice of cake on your table.” He silently turned to look at his bedside table, finding the beautifully cut piece of cake, with a note. _'Reiji told me what happened. Eat it when you wake up.'_ What surprised him more was Ranmaru sitting on the ground by the bed, slightly snoring. He looked at Reiji for an answer. “He's been staying here the whole time.” He nodded, too tired to make any remarks about it. Camus reached for Reiji cheek, gently touching it.

 

“More than me, how are you...?”

 

“Oh this? It's nothing, I'm fine. And don't you dare feel guilty about it.” Reiji grabbed his hand as tightly as he could. He still felt guilty about it though. “You were distressed, and I know you. It happened too fast for you to stop it. So don't.” There was only warmth in Reiji's voice, with the hint of a threat.

 

“It's not...well, it is not normal for me to lose control like this. I suppose that Kurosaki's words affected me more than I thought.” If there one thing he had learnt with time, it was to control his temper.

 

“He felt so bad that he came with me and carried you all the way back here.” Camus could at least smile about this.

 

“How did you know where to find me? I could have gone anywhere.”

 

“I know you, Myu-chan. That's how. You always go there when you need to clear your head.” Camus wasn't used to such vulnerability, but loving someone like this had brought back this side of him. The one who was unsure of what to do, the one who didn't know how to make others happy. The one who couldn't be in control all the time and was bound to fail sometimes. And Reiji brought it to light time and time again. “...you're scared, aren't you?”

 

_'Your majesty? May I be so bold as to ask you for your guidance?'_

 

_'How unusual.' She had not expected this, but the poor boy seemed quite concerned. 'Ask away, my boy.'_

 

_'It may sound ridiculous, but I have wondered if you have ever lost control of your magic. Have you ever been scared?' She knew right away that such a question must have been hard for him to ask. He was a young boy showing great promise, wise beyond his years but he was still a child who had much to learn, and was not immune to fear._

 

_'I have, Camus. Just as you have lost control before and perhaps will again.' The boy listened to her attentively. 'Though I may be queen, though I have a duty to this kingdom that I'll fulfill until my dying breath, I remain human. I have been scared and will be scared, just as you have been and will be. It is part of life. Yet, you must never let fear control you, not be an obstacle to your goals. Failure always comes, but just as it is here, we do not let it stop us from living.'_

 

_'I must not let fear control me...'_

 

_'Indeed you cannot.'_

 

“Since when can you read me like an open book?” Despite his teasing tone, he was scared.

 

“Since last week I think.” Reiji responded with his usual jokes. “Though it sure took me a long time to figure out exactly how much sugar you put in your tea.” Camus snorted at the terrible joke, but it did cheer him up a bit. “Let me guess. You're thinking about not using your magic for a while, because you're scared that it might happen again.” On the nose once again. He had become soft, as if the little boy he had kept repressed inside him all this time had had enough. “You can't let the fear of screwing up eat you away. I've failed many times you know? And I'm going to fail more! That's how it is, but I'm not letting it stop me. Remember what you told me? That I can't blame myself for Aine. That it wasn't my fault.”

 

Camus nodded, drinking his words.

 

“Then follow your own advice. Don't blame yourself. Whether it's about your mom or this, you just gotta learn from it and move forward.” Reij smiled at him, trying his best to reassure him. He could only sigh, for though his fears hadn't completely gone away, he did feel at ease.

 

“When did you become so wise? Is it because you're old?” Reiji mocked a hurt, shocked expression.

 

“You wound me!” They chukled together, before Camus talked again.

 

“Thank you, Reiji.”

 

“Anytime, Myu-chan.” They sould heard Ranmaru move from his sitting spot, finally waking up with a back that was bound to be sore. “Our kitty's finally awake.” He looked at both of them, still a bit groggy from his nap. As soon as he locked eyes with Camus he stood up quickly, under the pair's expecting eyes. To their surprise, he bowed in front of Camus. He was shocked, and quite frankly, had not completely taken Reiji seriously when he mentioned how terrible their groupmate felt.

 

“Camus, I'm sorry about I said. I got carried away and it will not happen again. This was out of line and I should have known better.” He was even surprised at the polite tone Ranmaru employed. He stayed like this until Camus talked again.

 

“Reiji, are you absolutely sure you're the only one who hurt his head?” Reiji tried to contain his laughter.

 

“Come on, he's doing an effort!” Camus sighed, knowing full well that his boyfriend was right.

 

“Kurosaki, you can stop. I accept your apology.” Ranmaru stood up again, wondering how fast this had all been. “Reiji told me how terrible you felt, it would be unfair of a gentleman to refuse such a heartfelt apology.” Reiji felt immensely proud of them for not jumping at each other's throats, though the fatigue must have had something to do with it. He cleared his throat, urging them to talk a tad bit more.

 

“Camus, why don't you tell him what you said to me a while ago?” Both Ranmaru and Camus were puzzled at what Reiji meant by this...the former realized what he meant. Perhaps it was indeed time to make an effort – for both of them to make one – and at least try to understand each other.

 

“Fine.” He turned to look at Ranmaru straight in the eye. “I shall only say this once, but despite what we may both think sometimes, I do not...hate you that much. I respect you, as a matter of fact. You may be absolutely vulgar and have no manners what so ever, but your work ethic is admirable and worthy of praise. If it weren't for you...” he flashed his trademark smirk, though there was a hint of fondness. “...I wouldn't have a worthy rival in this agency.” Ranmaru stayed silent, taking in what had just being said to him. He didn't think that Camus could say such a heartfelt compliment. “Don't let it get to your head, I still think you're an idiot.”

 

“You may be a sugar addicted freak of nature, but you're dedicated to your job and that's something I can respect.” Camus was offended by the insult, but let him continue. “I always thought you were nothing but a pompous moron, but I know that you had to work hard to get where you are now, just as I have. Even though the idea of being similar to you is alien to me, I think we can at least tolerate each other, Camus. Maybe you're not so bad, after all.”

 

“I suppose we can do that...Ranmaru.” Reiji's smile broke. His eyes were as wide as humanly possible.

 

“Did you just...”

 

“Did you just say my name?” Though he wasn't blushing, Camus might as well have been. He was already embarrassed enough as it was. “Am I dreaming? Did Reiji replace you with someone else?” He didn't know how nor why they were doing this, but perhap he could make more of an effort. Since actually being friendly like this must be hard for Camus. If they could work together as a group, then working together as two singers and groupmates couldn't be so hard nor impossible. It was going to take a while, and perhaps a drink or two, but it could be done. “I don't know how to take it.”

 

_Two men on the other side of the mirror, different as day and night, but similar in many ways._

 

“Take it or leave it. Unless you want me to call you 'Ranran' ?” He was acting smug to hide his awkwardness.

 

“Please don't. Just, don't.” Just the thought of Camus calling him that was...mortifying.

 

“Babe, I get a pass but you don't. It's too weird.” Reiji's reaction made them both smile. They were all tired, but today hadn't been such a bad day after all. When they all slept that night, it was with positive thoughts about the future. _Live shows and fights, failures and victories under the harsh spotlights. Smiling with thunderous applause as their music. They would encounter many obstacles in their lives, but who cares? They had come that far, so another fight or two or a hundred more was nothing._

 

The world was theirs, and no one else's.

 

_**Crocus : youthful gladness, cheerfulness** _

 

_All of them, just a bunch of broken boys_

_Sharing their joys_

_Singing, dancing, smiling_

_All of them, simply loving_

_They all play make believe,_

_Hiding their pain,_

_Their pasts,_

_Their ghosts and those painful marks,_

_All to achieve,_

_Happiness._

_But deep down, all they needed was to let go_

_Let go of the roles, the emptiness_

_And be just a bunch of boys._

 

 

_The thrill of shows. Their voices in perfect harmony as they were showered by thunderous applause, the spotlight blessing them. Without a care in the world, they were the kings of the universe standing upon the stage. It was intoxicating. Drunk on cheers, on music, they forgot all their woes. They had gone through so much, fought, made up, laughed...now was their time of triumph, a time that would remain engraved in their souls forever... It's a joy so great that words aren't enough, it makes you want to scream out to the whole world how happy you are. Despite their lives, their pain, their pasts, music brought them together. And it saved them. They fought, they sang, they lived together. They all let go of their masks, damn it all._

 

They decided to celebrate on the roof of their building, the alcohol flowing like an endless river. For once, there was no conflict, no fights, only laugher. Reiji was laying on the ground, his head on Camus's lap as he exchanged silly jokes with his fellow teammates. Such joy was contagious and he couldn't resist a laugh of his own, though the jokes were utterly terrible in his opinion.

 

_A bow and hands held under the lights. They felt like they had conquered the world and forget their problems for just an instant. There were no painful pasts. Just joy. If only for a night._

 

“God, _Michel_! Even _you_ are laughing! Perhap you should get drunk more often! ” Ranmaru was clearing more intoxicated than he'd like to admit.

 

“Stop calling me by my middle name!” He answered, downing another glass of wine. Was it the third, the fourth, or the fifth? He had lost count. “And I am n-not drunk!”

 

“No way, Michel!” They all responded by calling his name. He would be mortified in any other situation, but for some reason unknown to him – perhaps the neverending alcohol – he joined them in their antics. Ai was playing with Alexander, who saw him as comfortable cuddling partner. They were all close together.

 

“If I knew alcohol could have stopped you from fighting, I would've done it sooner!” Reiji was estatic to see them all bounding after a few drinks. But he knew it wasn't only the alcohol doing this. The thrill of a concert well done, the endless fights...to finally form an indestructible bond. It was still strange to see Camus smile so freely. He knew there were still many things for him to solve back home, but if he could smile at a time like this, he knew that he could fight any demons. He was still laying on his lover's lap, listening to his friends talk. It was strange for him not to keep going with any sort of joke, but for now, he wanted to enjoy this moment.

 

_He could still remember vividly those times with Hibiki, Kei and Aine. A time before any sort of ordeal. They were nothing but young boys, walking through the halls of the academy without a care in the world. Aine holding them together through hard times. The second he disappeared from their lives, their bond shattered along with him. He blamed himself for so long. Yet he know knew he needed to move on. And though he wanted nothing more for Aine to wake up and smile...Camus had said so himself._

 

_'When he wakes up...he won't be the Aine you knew.'_

 

_'I know. I know. As long as Aine is smiling, I will be as well.'_

 

Thinking of such times still hurt, and yet... The joy he felt now made him want to scream at the top of his lungs. He had a family that loved him. A man he adored. He had friends and younger singers to watch over.

 

“Hey Reiji, is everything okay? You haven't said anything.” Ai asked, shaking him out his thoughts.

 

“Oh yeah, I was just thinking...I'm really happy to know you, guys.” Reiji's words stopped Ranmaru's and Camus's friendly banter instantly. “And I feel so happy about this, I want to scream.” All his groupmates looked at him for a full minute before smiling. “Oh don't tell none of you ever felt like this!”

 

“I think I can understand it. Though I've never...screamed at the top of my lungs on a rooftop.” Camus could agree on this, along with Ai. Ranmaru was still drinking his beer, thinking about it. So Ai kept on talking. “It's completely illogical, but it actually...sounds fun?” Just as he said this, Ranmaru quickly stood up, startling Alexander in the process.

 

“Then why don't we just do it?” Ranmaru's suggestion surprised everyone.

 

“Surely you're not serious and it's the alcohol talking?” Though he was tipsy, he didn't think that he was drunk enough to say such a thing. Reiji stood up from his comfortable spot, extending a hand to Camus. “What are you doing...? Oh god no, don't tell me you actually, _genuinely_ want to do this?” At this moment, he couldn't believe it. Even Ai stood up. “Not you too?” More than the power of alcohol, it was the power of joy and hope that pushed these men – _still just a bunch of boys at heart –_ to strive for success. For happiness. And every day, they felt like they were getting closer to that goal.

 

“Ranran's right! And if you're not sure, I'd suggest finishing up that glass of wine.” Which he promptly did, thinking that more alcohol in his system couldn't do any harm, considering the amount he had already drunk. Finally he agreed with his groupmates. It was such a strange thing for him to do, for he wasn't used to such antics. Then again, he never had more than one friend. All these things were new to him. Perhaps it wasn't such a bad idea after all. _'I cannot believe I am doing this. But Reiji seems so happy to do it, I suppose I can indulge him.'_ For once, he could allow himself to behave like this. Just this once. He kept on telling himself that, yet...he had done some crazy things himself when he was younger, despite his dignified, strict upbringing. _'It's not today that they shall learn about it, though. Laurence did pull me into various, mad situations.'_ He had secretly longed for those moments of pure release, when absolute obedience, absolute control was not required of him.

 

_They saved each other._

 

“Fine. I'll join you.” Reiji gave him a peck on the cheek for being 'a good boy'. He sighed, but joined them nonetheless. They all walked to the balustrade, taking a deep breath. They overlooked the entire, bustling city, with its songs and melodies formed by the crowds, the cheers, the screams. A stage made of lights, and they had risen on its very top. They were the kings of the world at this very moment, and what was wrong with a little crazy thing or two? They had to be in control all the time, and to let go of it...was there anything better? They cast glances at each other, without any formality nor decorum. Without animosity or annoyance.

 

_Ranmaru and Camus singing on stage, a dialogue transcending words and sounds. They admitted their faults and reconcialed in a single look. Though they had yet a long way to go, they had made a tremendous step. They had been brought together by music despite their differences. For at midnight, at last, the masks fall. Two proud men brought together by fate or some superior power. All the acts could stop now. They had given in to anger, repression, pain for so long._

 

_They yelled and screamed._

 

“We are Quartet Night and Nothing can stop us! The world is ours! _”_ They were estatic. They didn't know how long this feeling would last, and so they just let go. No matter how careful they usually were. They all expressed their happiness in this one, tiny parcel of light. “I always want to be with you, no matter what!” Reiji's voice, his brilliance was contagious. Should they pour their hearts out right now? On this night, on this very rooftop after one too many glasses? The wind in their hair, the rush of adreline, all of it was too much. A melody of feelings, a concerto of voices and hearts. It was something much greater than what others could imagine, it was the happiness of being alive and breathing, screaming, loving, scream, cry. All of it, all of it far too much!

 

The happiness to know that you're grateful to exist.

 

To share those feelings with the ones next to you.

 

_A hand extended to one another was all it took for Ai and Reiji. To hell with the past, what only mattered was the present and the shining future awaiting them. Aine was not a shadow looming over them anymore, but rather a kind, supporting presence, guiding them in everything they did. The pressure of imitating someone you were not was nothing more than a memory. The pain, the mere thought of thinking you were responsible for something out of your control was long gone. Two hands joined together. A smile mirroring the other. A past and friendship reclaimed._

 

“You guys are a bunch of idiots, but you are my idiots!” Ranmaru's voice echoed in the night. “Even you, damn freak of an aristocrat! I like you! I'm happy to be alive with you all!” He ruffled Camus's hair for good measure, despite the latter's complains. Though the count's expression betrayed how he really felt. Once in a while, it wasn't so bad. It truly, wasn't so bad. Reiji watched them, warmth filling his heart at the sight. For once, those two were not fighting. His eyes caught Camus's from the other side of the ballustrade. His lover giving him a sweet smile that expressed all his love. _A kiss on the hand, his cheeks, his neck, his lips. He wanted nothing more than to ravish his love in this moment._

 

“I am me and nobody else! I am Mikaze Ai and I'm not changing!” Ai was screaming at the top of his lungs, none of them expecting such a loud cry from him. Reiji wrapped his arm around his friend's shoulder, congratulating him. “Was that good? I don't know exactly how I feel, but...it feels nice.” He couldn't believe he had actually done this. It was such a strange sensation – to let go, to _free_ yourself – and express what you felt, no matter how cheesy, cliché, strange that was.

 

“And we love you just the way you are, Ai-ai! You did great! Myu-chan your turn!” They all expectantly looked at Camus, waiting for him. “Come on, we all said some pretty cheesy things right now, don't chicken out babe!” He couldn't help the slight hint of pink on his cheeks as he heard the petname. Looking up at the sky, he took a deep breath, readying his voice. He couldn't believe he was going to say such a thing. The others would never let him live it down. It was unlike him...and yet, it was tempting. The thrill of merely screaming at the top of your lungs was too strong to resist. _'I have done harder things than this. Perhaps I should have taken another glass of wine for good measure.'_

 

_Alone in the blizzard. A father who left him too soon, a mother who couldn't care less. A boy who only had his music to support him and his queen to guide him. A man. A man who had cut off his only friend, and his only family and only had his title left. Wherever he looked, there were nothing else but nobles wearing their masks and smiling at him, talking to him either with disgust, contempt, desire to obtain his title. An uncle who did his best to protect him, a cousin who watched over him, a single friend who tried. Yet all those voices were a cacophony in his head._

 

_An unbearable cacophony._

 

_He could only remember his uncle's words. Shield yourself, shield your heart. Cut yourself from the rest._

 

“Quartet Night is my family! And I'll take this to my grave and no one else can hear about this!” They were stunned that their groupmate actually said such a thing. Their silence only contributed to making him more embarrassed than he already was to begin with. Ranmaru had Camus's head in a hook in an instant, ruffling his hair and laughing with gusto, telling him how proud he is that he finally decided to drop that fake persona of his. “Kuro-” he then remembered the one promise he had made. The one step he had made to be closer to them. “Ranmaru, stop it!”

 

_Complete silence and then..._

 

“You almost called him by his last name again!” Reiji was laughing too much for his own good.

 

_...a wondrous melody. All four of them in harmony._

 

“Old habits die hard...” Ai couldn't help himself and teased Camus on his 'almost mistake'. The latter was mortified, yet...in this moment, he genuinely felt at home. He always thought that the Silk Palace would always be his only home. But across the ocean, he found another. And he found the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Though they complained, though they fought, the group had become a central part of his life. He couldn't picture it without them, without _him_. It was all because of Reiji that they stayed together and gave themselves a chance to work out. He wanted to thank him properly, but not here. Not now. Now was a moment dedicated to all of them.

 

_Curtain call, final song. They bowed to the crowd under the applause, hands held tight._

 

“Woof?” They stopped their laugher to look at Alexander, who whined. He felt neglected and missed his master. They all agreed to play with the dog until it was satisfied. They would continue their drinking and silly jokes later. After all, there was a dog who required attention and who were they to ignore him? As his friends apologized to Alexander, and sorry for neglecting you oh great dog! Camus looked at the sky, all the stars watching over them and smile. A simple, almost unoticeable smile.

 

_The lonely days spent inside the chapel when he couldn't bear to be with anyone, even those who cared about him. The stained glass reflecting their colors on a small, tiny boy sitting in a corner. A usual afternoon, spent with his dog, his music and his thoughts._

 

And yet, weren't those the most dazzling of all?

 

_**Linden : Conjugal Love, Matrimony** _

_My heart, my body, my soul_

_I give it all to you,_

_Gladly, wholeheartedly,_

_I'd give my life for you,_

_My dearest wish is to make you happy,_

_I cannot promise the world, nor the stars,_

_You cannot heal all my scars,_

_Nor can I heal yours,_

_But I promise to watch over you, stand by you,_

_Love you._

_Every inch, every part of your soul._

 

 

Tick, tack, tick, tack. The sound of the clock echoed in the apartment. He was the one making dinner tonight, for he knew that only Reiji and him were going to be there. The velvet box in his jacket's pocket made him a nervous wreck, a worry only those who knew him well would be able to see. He needed to make this simple, casual. No need for grand flourishes nor fireworks, such extravagant things wouldn't do. He had seen countless proposals made for status, power, money. He was going to wed for love, not let some conventions control him. Though he had a duty to the queen, he also had one to his heart. He would marry the one he loved and still fight for his queen's freedom. His heart was beating too fast.

 

_A man who played the jokester, the clown. Yet he could read him like an open book, was as sharp as they come. Silk hiding steel indeed. He knew he would have to watch him closely. Out of mere curiosity and interest of course._

 

He made Reiji's favorite dishes, as Alexander slept by the window. The smell of food filled the apartment, as he laid the plates on the table. No need for candles or the such. Only his voice and his feelings. They were so close that everyone had already said that they were pratically married – which never failed to make Reiji blush – but an actual proposal was in order. He wanted to make him happy. He knew it was easier to tell someone you could make them happy than actually do it, but Reiji made him believe in himself. And vice-versa. They were groupmates, partners, lovers.

 

_Remembering the first time he heard him sing. Haruka had outdone herself with the melody, bringing his melodious voice to new heights._

 

7:30 pm. Reiji would be here any minute. He put the finishing touches, the last dishes, the wine. _It didn't have to be perfect, only...them. As long as they were together, they would be okay._ The door opened with loud bang, almost startling Alexander.

 

“I'm home~!” Reiji was at the door, still in his costume. He had a photoshoot for a fashion magazine under the sun, his sweat making his foundation shine a bit. He saw this man decked in shimmery makeup and dressed in clothing that was definitely too tight for him. He saw this clown of a man, makeup flaking and sweating, with his bright smile, neverending optimism even in the darkest of times and knew. He knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. Reiji let out a whistle. “Wow! What a feast, Myu-chan!” He kissed his boyfriend before sitting down on the table. He's take off his makeup later.

 

“Welcome home, Reiji.” _Heartbeats echoing in his head._ He sat right by Reiji, pouring wine for the both of them. “How was the photoshoot?” He took a sip of his glass before talking.

 

“It was great! But poor Toki almost lost it because of the heat. He was sweating so much the makeup artist had to redo his makeup a hundred times!” He started to eat his food, melting at the flavors. Not a single one he didn't like. “This is so good, almost as good as mine, I have to say!” Camus smiled at the compliment.

 

“My, are you complimenting me or yourself?” He kept his tone light, feeling the box in his pocket. He simply had to wait for the right moment.

 

“Both of us~ Thank you for the meal, Camus.” Reiji flashed him his most sincere smile, yet...looked at him with curiosity.

 

“What's wrong, Reiji?”

 

“Oh nothing! It's just...are you nervous about something? You seem a bit...uh, fidgety?” Camus was always surprised by his sharpness. Though he had learnt to control his emotions from a young age, Reiji always took him by surprise. “Did something, happen? You know you can tell me anything.” How like him to be worried, always concerned for others rather than himself. The eternal altruist. _Kindness incarnate. Everyday, he thought he couldn't love him more than he already did, and yet, everyday, he was proven wrong. All he needed was to take that single step._ He took a sip of his wine, before putting his glass on the table and held one of Reiji's hands with his own.

 

“Actually, I do have something on my mind.” He was going to follow his heart, to hell with scripts and pre-written lines. “There's something that's been bothering me for a while now. Or rather, someone.”

 

“Who is it? If you have a problem with someone I can talk to them.” _'This person is right in front of me. Sweating and decked in glamorous makeup, looking like a clown.'_

 

“Well, I've known this person for some time now. I didn't think this person would have such an impact on my life. At first I thought he was a nuisance, a complete idiot. But he could read me like an open book. He would know exactly how I felt, no matter what sort of training I had. And that scared me. He's unpredictable to say the least. Quite sharp too.” Reiji listened to him attentively, trying to put pieces of words together, not wanting to believe what Camus was saying. He didn't know what was happening, though he was soon going to know “Before I knew it, I found myself observing him more and trying to know him.”

 

“And what did you find when you got to know him?” Reiji interwined their fingers on the table, staring lovingly at Camus's eyes.

 

“I found out that he's unbelievably sharp, smart. He takes care of others without taking care of himself, which worries constantly. Despite going through hell and countless failures, he never stops smiling nor offer a helping hand to others. He has the brightest smile I have ever seen. He behaves like a bloody clown most of the time, but I don't think I've ever meant someone who could understand me like he does.” Camus's fingers tightened their grip on Reiji's. “At first, I felt scared by what I was starting to feel for him. I didn't think that I could make him happy. But at the same time, I didn't want to leave him, for I felt at peace around him.”

 

“He sounds great, Camus...Is there anything else that you love about him?” Reiji could feel tears coming, but he couldn't. Not now at least.

 

“Well, my dog loves him, and Alexander is a good judge of character. I've seen him sing for my dog as if he was his child.” He gave Reiji a light smirk, the latter chuckling. ' _Busted'_ Reiji thought to himself.

 

“I don't think he knew you were looking. I'm sure he was doing this because he cares for Alexander as much as you do. He's such a sweet dog.” Camus nodded. “I'm not sure he's too happy to have been found out.”

 

“I don't want him to stop doing this, although it would be great to actually have pictures.” Reiji rested his face on his free hand, watching Camus with adoration. “He helped me in more ways than one. I owe him my life, he's shown me things I had known of and...I do intend to repay all the kindness and love he has given me tenfold.” _The first time they went to an amusement park, trying to hide themselves as much as they could. Reiji tickling Camus until the latter was ready to make him pay. Their unbelievably awkward first time together as a couple. Reiji's anger at his constant fights with Ranmaru. All of it was coming to him in this instant._ “If he'll have me, of course. I haven't gotten around to ask him yet.”

 

“Hey Myu-chan...” Reiji straightened himself, now holding onto Camus's hand with both of his. He let a single tear fall. This was too much, he couldn't stand it a minute longer. He could melt on the spot

 

“Yes, _my precious_?”

 

“Don't you have something to ask me? Just say it already...” In silence, Camus freed his hands from Reiji's grip, to grab the box in his jacket. He wanted to commit this moment to memory. _Just the two of them, eating dinner as usual and then going back to their room. Working together and continuing on singing for as long as possible._ Reiji's tears flowing freely as soon as he saw Camus kneeling by his chair, in his hands a single velvet box, revealing two glistening bands. There was no need for some gaudy rings, this wasn't their style. Reiji's smile was only getting wider – as if it was even possible – for he was giddy with happiness. And to see him like this only contributed to Camus's own happiness.

 

“Kotobuki Reiji, will you do me the honor of spending the rest of your life with me? Whether we are young idols or old men, whether we go through hell or not, I want to spend these moments with you. I can't give you the world, but I can at least try.”

 

“You don't need to give me the world. You are enough. Being with you is more than enough.” Reiji reassured him. “...are we going to exchange those rings, or are you waiting for an invitation?” Camus was still a bit stunned at how beautiful of a moment they were sharing and then realized what Reiji had just asked him to do. “Why the surprised face? You knew what I would say, didn't you?” He got out of his chair, kneeling right in front of Camus, looking at him was certainty.

 

“I still want to hear you say it.” Reiji called him a cheesy idiot, but then again, wasn't he one as well?

 

“Yes, Camus. Yes, I'll marry you, you cheesy, stupid guy!” Laughter mixed with tears, and though he was shedding a few tears of his own, Camus tried to keep his cool. He took one of the rings and put it on Reiji's finger. The small gold band shining on his skin. _Though his makeup was a mess, though his eyes were red from crying his heart out...he didn't think that Reiji had ever looked more stunning than he did now. They were going to spend the rest of their lives together._

 

“Help me with mine?” Camus's voice was but a mere whisper. Reiji the other ring from the box, returning the favor, the ring a stark constrast on his skin. As soon as he was done, Reiji cupped his cheeks, resting his forehead on Camus's. They were drunk on each other's happiness and very presence. “What's wrong?” Softly, quietly, as if a single sound would break this fleeting instant. Sweeter than anything he had ever tasted, stronger than anything he had ever drank. More beautiful than anything he had ever seen. Camus wanted to reveer this man, worship him in their bed, the stage, the altar.

 

“I'm too happy, what have you done to me Myu-chan?”

 

“What have you done to _me_ , Reiji?” They chukled at their own state. Desire was burning in their eyes. They were alone, drowning in bliss, with on one else to interrupt nor bother them

*******

_Dancing under the moonlight, holding each other and spinning. One, two, three. Again._

 

They were kissing their way back to the bedroom, Reiji's arms wrapped around Camus's shoulders. His fingers practically holding onto Camus – _drunk on him like the sweet, sweet nectar of the gods –_ throwing his jacket away. The exchange was growing more and more heated by the minute. Tongues were moving in harmony, a tempo they both knew all too well, teeth clashing and biting. As he was trying to unbutton Reiji's shirt, they both fell on the bed, laughing at their own clumsiness. It didn't calm the fire burning within them at all. All the teasing, the laughter, the jokes...it was a celebration of the act they had done time and time again. Yet there was something different. They were doing it as soon to be wed.

 

“My mom is going to be so happy- ah!” Camus finally taken of his shirt, worshipping the flesh before him. Every inch of it. He couldn't help but want to tease him more and more. It was a holy ceremony and he would never rush nor hurt him. _The light hearted conversations and banter, it was a dialogue of tongues and bodies alike._ He wanted him to enjoy every single bit of it, for he was the god being honored and revered tonight.

 

“Already planning the wedding in your mind?” Before answering him, Reiji gently – _unbearably slow, oh sweet torture_ – left a trail of kisses on his collarbone, nibbing and sucking on a specific spot. He was teased back in kind, it was their exchange, their neverending conversation.

 

“Maybe...or maybe not. Suits or dresses?” He was finally done with Camus's shirt, the latter sliding down his body. Camus snorted as he undid Reiji's pants, still not forgetting to give attention to every bit of skin he could touch, feel, as he made his way down. Bruises that were fadding after a night of passion, yet tonight couldn't be compared.

 

“Suits...but Ranmaru can wear the dress.” He said, in between airy kisses all over his beloved's torso. Reiji's laughter was stopped by a faint moan. Music to Camus's ears, better than any song he had heard. He couldn't take it, he wanted to let his passion burn him alive, yet this moment could only be made sweeter by lasting longer. He was going to slowly drive both of them to the edge. With Reiji's hands in his hair, he took off the tight pair of pants. Reiji returned the favor, forcing him to raise himself up so he could undone his. As more skin was revealed, they felt drunk, as if absinthe had been poured into their mouths before the act.

 

Camus took it all in. A god, his own muse was there on the bed, giving him his body, his very heart, his life.What could he do if not submit himself to him. To the obscene display of sweat, swollen lips, inviting eyes. To the dizzying display of skin, white marks along his lover's thighs. _He had known time and time again to honor those in particular, as Reiji was too self-conscious about them. Nonsense. They were such a delightful sight._ He took care of the last pieces of clothing they had on them, letting their skins touch without any obstacle. Slowly, gently – _he couldn't rush it, what kind of lover would he be if he did so? -_ He spread the legs in front of him, kneeling by Reiji to kiss those marks. His tongue, his lips, trailed the white lines. And this voice, by the muses _this voice_. Such an enchanting voice couldn't be that of a mere mortal.

 

Reiji could only touch the marble statue in front of him. As if Camus was a present from the heavens. His hair sticking to his skin – a single hand pulled the strands back, before he contnued his ministrations. He was not one to contain his delight, his voice said it all as he sang Camus's praises. An endless chorus of _please do this again, just take me already and let me hear you voice more, Camus._ He knew his lover was one to contain his voice, but he wanted Camus to sing with him. Though it was hard for him to do, he let his voice flow freely. Seemingly done – for now at least, with his legs, Camus raised his head to look at Reiji. Trust, adoration, desire. Before he could say anything, Reiji took his hand and kissed it, the fingers, the ring.

 

“I don't remember telling you to stop...”

 

“You are too beautiful...I couldn't help but look...” Reiji kissed his hand again. And again. He finally let go, wrapping his arms around Camus's neck. “May I kiss you again, until you can only remember my name and mine alone?”

 

“You already know my answer...”

 

“I still want to hear you say it.” A breathy yes welcomed his request, a simple word, yet one that was of the utmost importance. Hands roaming, lips biting, confessions exchanged. They broke from each other, the lack of air being far too much. Camus kissed Reiji's forehead, taking his time to make him relax, to genuinely want it, otherwise there was no point. “...will you come with me to my home? I do not care about my mother or the rest...I want to share my happiness with the world.” Reiji was surprised at the request, the tenderness of it all. Camus opening the nightstand's drawer with a thought, the flick of a wrist, grasping for the lube.

 

“Don't you have bad memories of there...?” Reiji was temporarily stunned at the sudden request. Excitement, curiosty perhaps, the thought of seeing where Camus had grown up had crossed his mind more than once. But he knew of the painful memories he held. He was expectantly waiting for him, knowing what was to come.

 

_The two of them on stage. What seemed to be a simple performance was a courtship under the artificial lights. A harmony that couldn't be denied._

 

“Not all of them were...but I wish to make new ones with you, if you'll let me.” He coated his fingers, making sure he was using enough. A lover was to be respected, taken care of. One couldn't treat the other as an object, but truly as a divine being. He started slowly, one finger at a time. He rejoiced in every single sound coming out of Reiji's mouth. He felt blessed by the muses. _Gently, gently. Every step was a coutship to the soul, the body, the heart._ Reiji was relaxing under his touch, his moans echoing in the room, filling Camus's head. He cried a single yes as an answer to Camus's request, the latter rewarding him wih a rain of kisses on his cheeks, forehead, lips as he continued to prepare him.

 

He kissed and whispered sweet words into his ears. T

 

Though they were used to it, they never rushed it, even if passion was burning them away. _Reiji never forgot to make him feel the same pleasure, love, peppering him with kisses when he was the one worshipping him in the bedroom._ He continued for a few more minutes – _an eternity condensed in minutes_ – and when he was sure that his lover was ready, he kissed him again. Camus put the condom on, asking once again for permission. A smile as sweet at the man giving it to him welcomed him with those words.

 

“Yes, please...” And just like this, he was kneeling in front of his beloved once again, hands entertwined the minute before, then...grabbing his lover's legs

 

He didn't go in instantly, for he would rather take his time once again. Inch by inch, he let himself be welcomed inside Reiji, letting both of them savour this moment before any other movement could be done. If there was the slightest hint of pain, he would stop. No questions asked. Reiji slowly relaxed, asking him to start moving. He wrapped his legs around Camus, the count's hands now holding his precious fiancé as they started their dance. His thrusts were slow, controlled. Setting a bearable tempo before the song could reach it's crescendo. Though they were both flushed and sweating, Camus's cold hands on his back were driving Reiji over the edge, to the point of no return. A tremendous contrast to how hot his own skin was.

 

_One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three._

 

“I forgot how much you liked them...let me take care of it.” He chuckled in between breaths, using his magic to make his hands colder, slowly tracing patterns on Reiji's back. The stark constrast with his own skin was driving the latter crazy. This warmth inside him, those cold hands and his own sweet release nearing. “Are you feeling okay...? Do you want me to stop?” The tenderness, the sweetness of it all. An endless repetition of love.

 

“Keep going- and do- don't keep your hands off of me...”

 

They both increased the speed. An eternal come and go, thrusts under the moonlight. They both held onto the other, never wanting to let go. They touched each other driving their partner to the edge of passion, desire itself. All smiles and laughters, moans and screams, kisses and bites. Faster, faster, _faster_! Yet neither wanted the celebration to end, never realizing that there were many more awaiting for them in the future. They whispered each other's names like a prayer, as they both reached their limits. They cried at the sweet release, rejoiced in the afterglow of the act. Sweating bodies and magic shared between them. Lips locked, kisses on the hands – golden bands now adorning their skins – they were the children of the night blessed by love.

 

_A blessed moment only seen by the moon, the stars, the muses themselves._

 

“I love you, Camus.”

 

_Whatever the future would throw at them, they had their friends, each other. The world, the future was theirs for the taking._

 

“I love you, Reiji.”

 

_Like petals in the wind, they'll follow their hearts wherever it led them._

 

 

 

Back to each other.

 

 

 

 

 

~ The end ~

 

 

_To be continued in “Home, Sweet Home”, a story taking place in The Silk Palace, where past, present and future entertwine..._

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me what you thought of it, what lines or passages you liked and feel free to shoot me an ask if you're on tumblr! <3
> 
> Blog : realm-of-spells.tumblr.com


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